Angela's Blog

I think almost everyone at some point feels like their life is in some state of chaos and confusion. 

At this stage of your life where had you planned to be? Married… with kids…. owning your own business…. working in full time ministry…. traveling…. more friends…. settled…. happy…. 
You may have different goals and plans from the person down the street, but we all have a dream of our future. What we actually live out however can feel chaotic and disappointing. 
My dreams have not played out like I imagined. They still do not look like the picture I had dreamed of. My life is full and amazing, but it’s different from what I saw or what I see. 
In my teens I dreamed of marrying young, having a couple of babies and working in my church. 
How my life went, and by the way I wouldn’t change a thing because I have embraced each season I had and have learnt from it. I have met amazing people and grown to become who I am now, but my life had me at about 20 years old living for just over a year in Los Angeles. Then I was back in New Zealand for seven years. I did not have a date at all in this time. Next, I moved to Sydney, Australia and attended Bible College for two years. This was challenging and amazing all at once. I relocated again after this by moving north from Sydney to Newcastle, Australia. Again in all this time I still had not been on a single date. And at this point I have reached my thirties. Not the getting married young I had envisioned. 

In Newcastle I worked for my local church. I made more amazing friends and loved the city. 
So how did I stay happy if I wasn’t living the dream I had for myself? This may sound corny or simple, but it was all about where I had my focus. I purposed not to be consumed by my personal circumstances and my personal desires. This didn’t mean I didn’t have days where I was sad life didn’t look like I imagined or that I wasn’t lonely and wanting someone to share my life with, but I did have a point of reference I would always come back too. And over the years getting back to this point of reference became easier and quicker. My point of reference was Jesus Christ. I had to get myself to a place where I was content to walk out His plan for my life, not my own. I held onto the belief that His plans would far exceed mine and be better timing. Some days I could not see how this clearly because I thought I was smart and some days I was pretty sure He needed a helping hand in working things out and speeding things up. But then I would refocus, look to Him and build my trust while I waited, sometimes patiently 😉.
He was my peace in the midst of my chaos. He still is. I have found regardless of my circumstances, regardless of my emotions. I can look to Him and I find peace. Others don’t understand it, often I don’t. But it’s there. It’s found in trusting Him regardless of what is happening around you. 
So one day, I had a suddenly moment…. I was on a holiday and this awkward, quiet man asked me on a date. The full story I will share another day…. but it did happen. It wasn’t magical like I’d dreamed because I freaked out and wondered if he’d speak on our date and to be real after sixteen odd years dateless this was freaky. But what happened on the date and in the weeks that followed… well that was more than I could have hoped for, dreamed or imagined. God exceeded my plans, He knew me better, He knew what I really needed, who I really needed. 
In the chaos of singleness and finding myself, He gave me peace and at the right time He had me meet the man who was beyond my dreams. 
I don’t know what is disappointing you right now, what’s creating chaos in your mind, in your heart, but I can tell you that Jesus is where you will find peace. Allow Him to embrace you and your circumstances and lead you through. 
Philippians 4:4-7

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness[a] be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.