So it has been a while since I wrote. From my last post you will see that the situation I have found myself in has been raw, painful and and at times very lonely. I have an amazing husband and wonderful family and friends, but when you deal with grief, you feel like you are the only one in that place.
I am thankful for a church family that are gracious, understanding, patient, supportive, and full of faith and prayer for our future, whatever that looks like.
We recently had some training around FREEDOM PRAYER at our church. I had not been exposed to this before, but I sat with a lovely lady who prayed with me. As I asked God to reveal a lie that I had believed, He spoke to me about my childhood. When I was six my parents separated, leaving my brother and I to go between parents who shared custody. Both remarried and went on to start new families. I love my siblings very much. I am proud to be their older sister. But what happened, not on purpose or for any particular reason, but as I grew and their new families were established, I felt out of place. I grew to have the perspective that I was on my own, connected by a thread, but a tack on to their new families. There was no malicious behavior or any acts that would cause me to feel or think this. Both sets of parents loved me, both included me in different ways. But internally I felt like an outsider.
I came to realise as we prayed recently, that I had believed a deep rooted lie that I was responsible to create the family I never felt I had but always desired. This lie was causing my grief to overwhelm me, as I could not make that lie come to pass. I have no control to create, God is our creator, our life giver, our dream maker and fulfiller. God has given me a new family, my wonderful husband, our two children that live with their mum, in-laws. But not only do I have a new family, I have a marvelous family I have grown up with, who love me and have been a huge support these last few months.
So when we prayed, I realised this lie had been holding me captive. I was a prisoner to a lie that wished to trap me and hold me back from my future. The freedom when I realsied that TRUTH, I am a different person, my grief has lifted, the fog I have been living in has gone, joy and laughter are returning. My TRUTH is that God has given me a family and I am not responsible to create anything more than what He has entrusted me with. I just get to love everyone He has given me.
Now I am under no illusion that I will not have tough days as I walk into this revelation of truth I have discovered, but the tough days will not be as painful, and I know that my God will walk me through as He has the past months into a future that is bright and full of love, laughter and more than I could ever imagine.
Regardless of your circumstances or what those around you try to tell you. You are not alone, you are cared for, you are loved. This is the TRUTH God wants you to believe, don’t believe the lie any longer.
xx
Angela's Blog 